The Invisible Rules Running Your Life
Imagine you're driving to work, taking the same route you've taken for years. You turn left at the familiar intersection, merge onto the highway at your usual spot, and arrive at your destination without thinking twice. But what if I told you that construction started yesterday and there's now a faster route? You'd never know because you stopped looking for alternatives long ago.
This is how assumptions work in our lives. They're the invisible rules we follow without questioning, the mental shortcuts that help us navigate daily life, but sometimes keep us stuck in patterns that no longer serve us.
What Are Assumptions Really?
An assumption is simply something you believe to be true without checking. Right now, you're assuming the chair you're sitting in will hold your weight. You're assuming your paycheck will arrive on schedule. You're assuming your spouse still loves you because they made you coffee this morning.
Most of the time, assumptions are helpful. They let us function without constantly second-guessing everything. Imagine if you had to verify every single belief before acting on it – you'd never get out of bed.
But here's where it gets interesting: we make assumptions about much bigger things too, often without realizing it.
The Stories We Tell Ourselves
Sarah works at a marketing firm and desperately wants a promotion, but she's never asked for one. When her friend suggests she talk to her boss, Sarah immediately responds, "Oh, they don't have the budget for promotions right now."
Her friend asks, "How do you know that?"
Sarah pauses. "Well, they haven't given anyone a promotion in months."
"Have you asked?"
"No, but I can tell they're being careful with money."
Sarah has built an entire story about her company's financial situation without a single conversation with her boss. Her assumption – that promotions aren't available – has become a prison that keeps her from even trying.
We all do this. We create elaborate explanations for why things are the way they are, then treat those explanations as facts.
The Assumption Trap
Here's the tricky part about assumptions: they're self-reinforcing. Once you believe something, you unconsciously look for evidence that supports it and ignore evidence that contradicts it.
Take Mark, who believes he's "not good with technology." Every time he struggles with a new app or device, he thinks, "See? I told you I'm hopeless with this stuff." But when he successfully uses technology – which happens dozens of times each day – he doesn't notice. His phone works, his car starts, his coffee maker brews his morning cup. But these successes don't register because they don't fit his story about himself.
This is why assumptions can be so limiting. They don't just describe reality – they shape it.
The Hidden Assumptions About Success
Let's dig into some common assumptions that might be running in the background of your thinking:
"Hard work always pays off." This sounds noble, but what if you're working hard on the wrong things? What if you're pouring energy into a strategy that stopped working years ago?
"Good work speaks for itself." Many talented people assume that if they just do excellent work, recognition will naturally follow. But in most organizations, visibility and communication matter just as much as competence.
"I need more education before I can make a career change." This assumption keeps countless people stuck in jobs they've outgrown. Sometimes experience and willingness to learn matter more than formal credentials.
"People like me don't start businesses." This assumption is often based on background, age, location, or past experience. But what if that's not true? What if the very thing that makes you different is exactly what the market needs?
Where Assumptions Come From
Our assumptions aren't random. They come from somewhere specific:
Past experience: If you were rejected the last three times you applied for a promotion, you might assume all future attempts will fail too.
Other people's opinions: Maybe your high school guidance counselor told you that you weren't "college material," and you've carried that belief for decades.
Cultural messages: We absorb countless assumptions from our families, communities, and society about what's possible, appropriate, or realistic for people like us.
Fear dressed up as wisdom: Sometimes we create assumptions to protect ourselves from disappointment. "I probably wouldn't get the job anyway" feels safer than risking rejection.
The problem is that these assumptions, once formed, become invisible. They sink into the background and influence every decision without us noticing.
The Cost of Unexamined Assumptions
When we don't question our assumptions, we miss opportunities, limit our potential, and sometimes make decisions based on information that's years out of date.
Consider the assumption many people have about failure: "If I fail, it means I'm not good enough." This single belief keeps people from trying new things, starting businesses, asking for dates, or pursuing dreams. But what if failure just means you're learning? What if it means you're pushing boundaries and growing?
Or take the assumption about age: "I'm too old to start over." Says who? Colonel Sanders was 62 when he franchised KFC. Vera Wang was 40 when she entered fashion. Laura Ingalls Wilder didn't publish her first Little House book until she was 64.
How to Spot Your Own Assumptions
The tricky thing about assumptions is that they're invisible to the person holding them. Here are some clues that you might be operating on unexamined beliefs:
Listen for absolute language: When you hear yourself saying "always," "never," "everyone," or "no one," there's probably an assumption lurking nearby.
Notice your "of course" moments: When something seems obviously true to you but others question it, that's worth examining.
Pay attention to strong emotional reactions: If someone's suggestion makes you immediately angry or defensive, ask yourself what belief they might be challenging.
Look for patterns: If you keep getting the same unsatisfying results despite changing your tactics, you might need to question your strategy entirely.
The Art of Gentle Questioning
You don't need to tear down all your assumptions overnight. In fact, doing so would be exhausting and probably counterproductive. Instead, try gentle curiosity:
"What would need to be true for this to work?"
"How do I know this is always the case?"
"What if the opposite were possible?"
"Where did this belief come from originally?"
"What would I try if I knew I couldn't fail?"
These questions aren't about proving yourself wrong – they're about opening up new possibilities you might not have considered.
The Liberation of Maybe
Here's something powerful: you don't have to completely abandon an assumption to benefit from questioning it. Sometimes it's enough to add the word "maybe" to your beliefs.
Instead of "I'm not creative," try "Maybe I haven't found the right outlet for my creativity yet."
Instead of "This company doesn't value innovation," try "Maybe they haven't seen the right kind of innovation proposal yet."
Instead of "I'm too old to learn new skills," try "Maybe I just need to find the right approach to learning."
That simple word – maybe – creates space for new possibilities without requiring you to completely overturn your worldview.
Your Assumptions, Your Choice
The goal isn't to eliminate all assumptions – that's impossible and unnecessary. The goal is to become aware of the ones that matter most and consciously choose which ones serve you.
Some assumptions are worth keeping. The assumption that people generally mean well helps you build relationships. The assumption that hard work matters gives you motivation to persist through challenges.
But other assumptions might be holding you back from the life you actually want to live.
The beautiful thing about assumptions is that once you see them clearly, you realize they're choices, not facts. And if they're choices, you can make different ones.
What assumptions might be running quietly in the background of your life right now? What would become possible if you questioned just one of them?
The answers might surprise you.